As a 19-year-old teenage girl, I have proud parents who support me in who I am and trust me with all their hearts. My grades were always well maintained, I have friends that encourage me to study, went to the best schools, no drugs/smoking, and anything that could be a parent’s worst nightmare you name it never happened. They were happy, I was happy.
But on March 11th, 2021, things started to stir up a little. I left home for college. The trust my parents had was still there, it was still strong. The problem that arises was due to the relatives I live with — my aunt who did not have any kids and my grandfather. My grandfather is a harmless sweet old man. Leaving my aunt.
I was happy when I moved into that house, the feeling of freedom and independence. But boy was I wrong, it was the total opposite! My allowance was being monitored, she asked me how I spend my money to see where I spent it — I was scolded for having ice cream as a treat after my 2 weeks of quarantine just because she thinks it is unhealthy. I was even told to just drink water every day and not have ANY sweet drinks.
As a teenager, I was devastated. I had no money to go out with my friends, I can't stay out too long and if I were to stay out late, I was to be seen as irresponsible and bad even though all I did was a study at a public library with my friends and have dinner after. Dinners with my friends always felt so stressful when the thought of my aunt reaches my mind. It was as tho I was doing something wrong. There was no trust, there was too much control I felt like I couldn't breathe. A woman, who only meets me a few times a year, is trying to act as she knows me, that she cares.
This all led to the great depression. I couldn't eat, I wasn't happy with anything I did, I called my friends every day and cried myself to sleep. My parents knew about this issue, confronted her about it but things never changed — my parents are unable to visit me due to COVID-19. Studying was also harder than ever before. My focus was gone, I was STRUGGLING. Which is very rare for me. I just didn’t feel like who I was in the past, the HAPPY, and strong girl. I felt like I wasn’t strong enough anymore, I wanted it all to end, I was so tired of fighting. The thought of suicide, self-harm crossed my mind every other day and I now am so happy that I did not have the courage to do it.
I am a very mature person for my age. I know that she loves me, but this is all Tough Love in which led to a toxic relationship. She never listened to what I said, my point of view was never right. No matter how many times I explained myself, we always end up at the same old starting point — round and around and around we go. I was emotionally drained. I used to tell her a lot when we talked because I trusted her, but this all broke the trust we had.
It took a few months for me to realize, it was not totally my fault, I shouldn't have to feel bad for hanging out with friends, it was not illegal, I should have autonomy in my life to live the life I want, and to be happy. To follow her instructions and doing what she wants me to do was just living the life she wanted me to live. Being asked constantly to admit what I did wrong. WHAT DID I DO WRONG? It was a question that I couldn't relate to. So, I started reading more books, I was studying like a mad, I went for a run every day to keep my mind off her. All the frustrations were put to good use. It motivated me to push myself to get myself out of that situation. I always knew I was motivated by stress and discomfort.
I am today, stronger, better, and happier.